Literally

Literal means to take words in their usual or most basic sense without metaphor; or representing the exact words of the original text.

When I woke up yesterday morning I had every intention of going to work. I planned, in my mind, to stop by Wal-mart to pick up a few Christmas gifts for my co-workers before heading south for work. I made it to the store and I found some items for my colleagues, but I did not make it to work.

As I was driving on the highway, I noticed a vehicle to my right that was moving entirely too fast. When I saw the car, I said to myself, "They are going to hit the van in front of them...he is driving too fast." It was apparent that the driver of that vehicle realized the possibility of a collision and braking was not going to resolve the problem. So, the driver swerved to the right onto the shoulder. Then all of the sudden I saw the van swerving toward me - I reacted by moving my vehicle to the left. Seconds later another vehicle sped past me on the left shoulder to avoid hitting me. After I pulled over and regained my composure, I noticed another driver pulled up behind me. I got out to ask if he was ok. The driver told me he was fine - he was calling the police. After the phone call, he looked at me and he said, "Our guardian angel was with us."

Every day before leaving my home I pray. I pray for my family, friends, co-workers, and enemies. But, in addition to this - I pray for traveling grace and mercy. In my prayer, I ask that the Lord encamps His angels of safety around me. I ask that no problems arise with my vehicle and that I don't hit anyone or anything and no one and nothing hits me. Yesterday, I saw Him do everything I literally asked Him to do. Neither vehicle hit me - nor did I hit anyone.

I am sharing my testimony to encourage someone to make your request known - literally.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

— 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

Gratitude, Gluttony and Stewardship; What do These Words Have in Common?

Two weeks ago I participated in a special project at work that involved sitting in a small, hot, and eventually funky conference room for nine hours with 15 people for three days. During one of the breaks a conversation started about foods we liked as children, one of the attendees that I had considered to be an ass – based on his demeanor and unnecessary outbursts, made a comment about his 2-year-old son, he said, “I buy the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for my son, it is the only thing I can get him to eat…he is such a jerk.” My initial thought after hearing this was –“hmm…the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” Don’t worry, I didn’t verbalize it, I know when to keep my mouth shut – most of the time anyway. Then I thought about his statement a little more in relation to myself. His comment made me think about my sons who passed away and I how much I would rather struggle with feeding them than the struggle I face not having them here with me. My point to all of this is gratitude.

How often do we discount the things we have or the people in our lives? Are we so consumed by obtaining what we don’t have that we don’t take the time to appreciate what we do have? Which brings me to the next word - gluttony. I'm pretty sure this word is frowned upon and considered a horrible noun. But, how many of us are guilty of it? I have to raise my hand high - I am guilty.

The word gluttony is typically used to describe individuals who are obese or assumed to be overeaters. However, gluttony is not just excessive eating or drinking. It is also defined as greedy or excessive indulgence, which can be related to anything.

I cannot begin to tell you how many pairs of shoes I own or how many articles of clothing I possess. Truth be told, I developed the habit of purchasing items because I liked them and not because I needed them - gluttonous. I don't need to buy everything I like. Which, brings me to the third word - stewardship. Stewardship is defined as the activity or job of protecting and being responsible of something. I must admit that I have not been a very good steward of what I have been blessed to possess.

The concept of stewardship has been on my mind for quite some time, and I have come to realize how I take so many things for granted. I had been pondering over my desires for new things. Don't get me wrong, I realize there is nothing wrong with wanting more than what we may possess at a given time. However, I had to ask myself; What are you doing with what you already have? Are you showing gratitude at the level you are at in your current position? Are you applying yourself and doing your best in your job? Or are you complaining and looking elsewhere? Are you being a good steward with what you have already been given as it relates to your possessions? Or are you being ungrateful and just obtaining more? Why should I expect more when I'm being an ungrateful, gluttonous, and horrible steward? 

I believe being a good steward means being grateful for what I have and utilizing it to the fullest to help myself and others. I also think it involves using resources such as; time, money, energy, and talents wisely. Additionally, good stewardship means appreciating those resources by living in the moment and cherishing what I have been blessed to have.

I am asking the Lord to forgive me for my ungrateful gluttonous ways and I am also asking for help in being a better steward.

I found it quite interesting how the behavior of another person, which I frowned upon, enabled me to see my own issues. Matthew 7:5 hit me like a ton of bricks.

Women: The Siskel & Ebert in Life And It Is All Society's Fault

"What is she wearing?"

"She thinks she's cute, but she's not."

"Why won't she do something with her hair?"

"Didn't she have that on last week?"

For some unknown reason - well at least not known to me, women have the tendency to pass judgment on other women, and it starts at a young age. When I was about 9 years old I was shopping with my mother and brother when I noticed another little girl was staring at me. I turned to my brother and I asked, "Why is she looking at me?" He said, "She is checking out what you have on."

There seems to be an unannounced competition between females that takes place at school, work, and church - basically any place where more than one female is present at the same time. But, why? What is it about some women that brings about so much concern for what another female is doing? Are these women so unhappy with themselves that they need to project it onto others?

On August 28, 2016 Ms. Alicia Keys showed up at the MTV Music Awards without make-up and there was a lot hoop-la over it. Why? Could it be because there are a lot of women who think they don't look good without make-up? Society at its best again, defining beauty for all to mimic.

For decades women have been told how they should look. From back to back commercials for products to make those fine lines disappear to washing that gray right out of your hair. Not to mention Jenny Craig commercials followed by Nutrisystem commercials telling us to lose weight. I won't even get started on the wonderful airbrushed magazine covers located in your favorite grocery store and pharmacy. But, the most saddening aspect of all of this is - we allow it, and we enforce it. What do you think would happen if we stopped? What would happen if we stopped allowing society to tell us how we should look? What if we stop comparing and competing and just be who we are and do what we like because we like it and not because society says we should or shouldn't?

I have mentioned, on numerous occasions how influential we can be - even if we don't consider ourselves to be role models, someone is watching and following in our footsteps. And as I've also stated many times before - we influence children. I read an article by Jia Wertz a few weeks ago that left me disheartened. The article addressed negative comments that were made by adult females about Blue Ivy. There were a plethora of tweets calling the four-year-old girl ugly. Honestly speaking, we shouldn't be surprised by the existence of bullying among our youth - look at how adults behave. Do we realize the impact this incident may have on - not just this little girl, but every female that read the comments or heard about it? Firstly, these actions sends the message that any female young or old can be subjected to such ridicule. Secondly, it sends a message that they can do it too. Can we break this cycle?

What was gained through labeling Blue Ivy ugly - or any other female for that matter? Did it make them feel better about themselves? This is another example of how detrimental social media can be. It gives bullies the courage to say things sitting behind a keyboard that they probably wouldn't say to the person's face. Maybe I'm delusional, but why can't we celebrate and encourage each other as opposed to tearing another person down? We are all females. We know the struggles of insecurities and acceptance. So, why not make the process easier for others - especially adolescent girls.

Delusional or not, I will continue to spread encouragement and love to all who are open to embrace it. Will you join me?

Surviving Emotional Abuse: Why Self-Esteem is So Important to Me

Domestic Abuse is not always physical – I know this because I was emotionally abused. And if I am going to be perfectly honest, if I had stayed any longer I believe it would have become physical. Emotional abuse consists of repeated verbal offense, threats, bullying, and continuous criticism, as well as muted behaviors like intimidating, shaming and manipulating.

Earlier this week I was conversing with a friend and somehow we arrived on the topic of abuse. Now that I think about it, I know how we got there. The conversation started when she asked me about my recent plus-size blog post, "Not Even the "V" is Safe From Ridicule?!?" http://www.stylishbuxombeauty.com/not-even-the-v-is-safe-from-ridicule/. She was surprised to learn about Labiaplasty, and quite frankly - so was I. We discussed how some women are subjected to ridicule by their significant other and how this can cause them to alter themselves in order to be accepted by their abuser. My friend asked a question that I was not prepared for, “Why do you think some women are abused? Is it because they have low self-esteem?”

I wasn’t ready for that question mainly because I am a survivor of emotional abuse and I considered myself to be a person with a healthy level of self-esteem prior to the aforementioned relationship. Having said that, it wasn’t always like that. During my adolescent years I struggled with my self-worth, but I overcame it. So, why did I succumb to emotional abuse?

I realize a lot of people don’t understand how someone could become involved in an abusive relationship and not exit immediately. The truth of the matter is, the abuser breaks the victim down over time. They make him or her feel like they deserve what is happening to them. The victim is led to believe they are causing the abuser to behave this way. The constant criticism and ridicule causes you to question yourself.

I was repeatedly reminded of my flaws and mistakes. He compared me to other women and blamed me for his insecurities. Even though emotional abuse doesn't leave any clearly visible bruises, it does leave its mark on the human psyche. My countenance was different. I had been isolated from my family and friends and I lived in fear. He didn't always abuse me verbally, but it happened more often than not. ­­I stopped taking pride in my appearance and I felt unattractive and unloved. I was extremely unhappy.

In spite of his attempts at breaking me, there were still remnants of self-worth that resurfaced and reminded me of who I am. I distinctively remember the day things changed for me in that relationship. We were arguing, as usual - he was telling me how horrible I was - as usual, he said, "No one likes you and no one wants to be around you." I listened to the words and I started to accept them, but something within me reminded me of the truth and I confronted what was trying to destroy me with that truth. I started to remember the coworkers, church members, family members and friends who told me how my presence positively affected their lives. Then it occurred to me that his words were untrue and he was the problem - not me.

In retrospect, I realize I ignored telltale signs that something wasn't right. In some cases, emotional abusers don't realize they are doing it. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship I implore you to seek help. Even if there is a positive attribute of the relationship, you do not deserve to be mistreated for any reason - that ain't love.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/

Embracing My "Juicy-ness": A Plus-size Story

“...I am guilty of not defining my beauty in the past. I was not always the confident woman you see today. I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not like what is looking back. I believed I was not pretty because of my skin tone and my size. I thought I was too dark and too heavy to be considered attractive to anyone. I compared myself to other females, when I should not have been comparing myself to anyone. I am who I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made...”

— Diary of a Stylish Buxom Beauty

At some point during my adolescent years I went to bed looking like a clothed ironing board, then awoke to a "C" cup and thunder thighs. To say I was uncomfortable in my skin back then would be an extreme understatement.  I felt awkward and unattractive for the majority of my teenage years. I spent most of my school days in unnecessary layers of jackets and coats to hide my body. I even recall avoiding my high school cafeteria lunch-line because I didn't want to be seen. Who would have thought that the characteristics I loathed about myself would become the very things I celebrate, and who would have thought this once ashamed girl would blossom into a confident self-proclaimed peacock?

The first time I walked into Lane Bryant to purchase clothing I was 14 years old. I can recall how embarrassed I felt having to shop in that store. I wanted to get clothes from the junior's department of Hect's "like all the other girls my age", but I couldn't fit those clothes. Actually, I couldn't fit those clothes at any point during my adolescent years.  In my mind, nothing seemed to fit right at Lane Bryant and I looked awful. I tugged and tucked trying to find some level of comfort in the clothing. A few years later, I recall shopping for a dress for my senior prom. I distinctly remember being in the dressing room at Gantos looking at myself in the mirror when a petite girl stepped out in a strapless black dress. She looked so cute and I was so envious. Feelings of inadequacy and unattractiveness overcame me and it saddened me. My mother noticed my countenance and she comforted me like only a mother can. Even though my mother purchased the cutest clothes for me and shoes to match - I continued to feel "unpretty."

It wasn't until a particular person noticed me in high school that made me realize it wasn't abnormal for someone to be attracted to me. That was the moment of epiphany for me. I began to see me - and I started thinking about myself differently. Don't get me wrong, there were others who saw the beauty that was hidden from me. But, there was something about that person that helped me overcome my struggle. My distorted thoughts concerning me stemmed from my inability to see myself as an individual. I didn't know how to look at me without comparing myself to someone else. I was so blinded by my unwarranted insecurities regarding my appearance that I couldn't grasp the idea of anyone being attracted to me.

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”

— Allen, James - As A Man Thinketh. 1903

Once I realized the truth in the above quote, I was able to see the importance of what we say to ourselves. I've matured to see that it is senseless to seek the approval of others, or rely on the affirmation of others. I needed to get to the place of self-acceptance. Yes, the admiration of others is nice - but, self-admiration is much better. I know there are people in this world who don't believe fuller-figured women are attractive, and that is fine because their opinion of me doesn't matter - mine does.

Today I like what looks back at me in the mirror. Today I embrace my dark skin, my full lips, my full cheeks, my voluptuous breasts, the curves of my hips, the roundness of my full derriere, and the curves of my bowlegs - they make up the physical me and I love every part.  But, the most attractive attribute I possess is my confidence.

I am no longer that sheepish 14 year old girl who wanted to blend in and be unseen, and I'm telling my story to help someone else get to the place of self-acceptance. Being different is what makes us special.