Domestic Abuse is not always physical – I know this because I was emotionally abused. And if I am going to be perfectly honest, if I had stayed any longer I believe it would have become physical. Emotional abuse consists of repeated verbal offense, threats, bullying, and continuous criticism, as well as muted behaviors like intimidating, shaming and manipulating.

Earlier this week I was conversing with a friend and somehow we arrived on the topic of abuse. Now that I think about it, I know how we got there. The conversation started when she asked me about my recent plus-size blog post, "Not Even the "V" is Safe From Ridicule?!?" http://www.stylishbuxombeauty.com/not-even-the-v-is-safe-from-ridicule/. She was surprised to learn about Labiaplasty, and quite frankly - so was I. We discussed how some women are subjected to ridicule by their significant other and how this can cause them to alter themselves in order to be accepted by their abuser. My friend asked a question that I was not prepared for, “Why do you think some women are abused? Is it because they have low self-esteem?”

I wasn’t ready for that question mainly because I am a survivor of emotional abuse and I considered myself to be a person with a healthy level of self-esteem prior to the aforementioned relationship. Having said that, it wasn’t always like that. During my adolescent years I struggled with my self-worth, but I overcame it. So, why did I succumb to emotional abuse?

I realize a lot of people don’t understand how someone could become involved in an abusive relationship and not exit immediately. The truth of the matter is, the abuser breaks the victim down over time. They make him or her feel like they deserve what is happening to them. The victim is led to believe they are causing the abuser to behave this way. The constant criticism and ridicule causes you to question yourself.

I was repeatedly reminded of my flaws and mistakes. He compared me to other women and blamed me for his insecurities. Even though emotional abuse doesn't leave any clearly visible bruises, it does leave its mark on the human psyche. My countenance was different. I had been isolated from my family and friends and I lived in fear. He didn't always abuse me verbally, but it happened more often than not. I stopped taking pride in my appearance and I felt unattractive and unloved. I was extremely unhappy.

In spite of his attempts at breaking me, there were still remnants of self-worth that resurfaced and reminded me of who I am. I distinctively remember the day things changed for me in that relationship. We were arguing, as usual - he was telling me how horrible I was - as usual, he said, "No one likes you and no one wants to be around you." I listened to the words and I started to accept them, but something within me reminded me of the truth and I confronted what was trying to destroy me with that truth. I started to remember the coworkers, church members, family members and friends who told me how my presence positively affected their lives. Then it occurred to me that his words were untrue and he was the problem - not me.

In retrospect, I realize I ignored telltale signs that something wasn't right. In some cases, emotional abusers don't realize they are doing it. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship I implore you to seek help. Even if there is a positive attribute of the relationship, you do not deserve to be mistreated for any reason - that ain't love.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/