“...I am guilty of not defining my beauty in the past. I was not always the confident woman you see today. I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not like what is looking back. I believed I was not pretty because of my skin tone and my size. I thought I was too dark and too heavy to be considered attractive to anyone. I compared myself to other females, when I should not have been comparing myself to anyone. I am who I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made...”

— Diary of a Stylish Buxom Beauty

At some point during my adolescent years I went to bed looking like a clothed ironing board, then awoke to a "C" cup and thunder thighs. To say I was uncomfortable in my skin back then would be an extreme understatement. I felt awkward and unattractive for the majority of my teenage years. I spent most of my school days in unnecessary layers of jackets and coats to hide my body. I even recall avoiding my high school cafeteria lunch-line because I didn't want to be seen. Who would have thought that the characteristics I loathed about myself would become the very things I celebrate, and who would have thought this once ashamed girl would blossom into a confident self-proclaimed peacock?

The first time I walked into Lane Bryant to purchase clothing I was 14 years old. I can recall how embarrassed I felt having to shop in that store. I wanted to get clothes from the junior's department of Hect's "like all the other girls my age", but I couldn't fit those clothes. Actually, I couldn't fit those clothes at any point during my adolescent years. In my mind, nothing seemed to fit right at Lane Bryant and I looked awful. I tugged and tucked trying to find some level of comfort in the clothing. A few years later, I recall shopping for a dress for my senior prom. I distinctly remember being in the dressing room at Gantos looking at myself in the mirror when a petite girl stepped out in a strapless black dress. She looked so cute and I was so envious. Feelings of inadequacy and unattractiveness overcame me and it saddened me. My mother noticed my countenance and she comforted me like only a mother can. Even though my mother purchased the cutest clothes for me and shoes to match - I continued to feel "unpretty."

It wasn't until a particular person noticed me in high school that made me realize it wasn't abnormal for someone to be attracted to me. That was the moment of epiphany for me. I began to see me - and I started thinking about myself differently. Don't get me wrong, there were others who saw the beauty that was hidden from me. But, there was something about that person that helped me overcome my struggle. My distorted thoughts concerning me stemmed from my inability to see myself as an individual. I didn't know how to look at me without comparing myself to someone else. I was so blinded by my unwarranted insecurities regarding my appearance that I couldn't grasp the idea of anyone being attracted to me.

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”

— Allen, James - As A Man Thinketh. 1903

Once I realized the truth in the above quote, I was able to see the importance of what we say to ourselves. I've matured to see that it is senseless to seek the approval of others, or rely on the affirmation of others. I needed to get to the place of self-acceptance. Yes, the admiration of others is nice - but, self-admiration is much better. I know there are people in this world who don't believe fuller-figured women are attractive, and that is fine because their opinion of me doesn't matter - mine does.

Today I like what looks back at me in the mirror. Today I embrace my dark skin, my full lips, my full cheeks, my voluptuous breasts, the curves of my hips, the roundness of my full derriere, and the curves of my bowlegs - they make up the physical me and I love every part. But, the most attractive attribute I possess is my confidence.

I am no longer that sheepish 14 year old girl who wanted to blend in and be unseen, and I'm telling my story to help someone else get to the place of self-acceptance. Being different is what makes us special.