Dating Woes: Is Caution the Same as Fear?
A few weeks ago I had a conversation concerning my dating status - or my non-existent dating status I should say. It has been a while since I've been on a date. I haven't given up on love and the hope of a healthy relationship - nor have I given up on the male species. But, I have to admit that I am somewhat apprehensive about fully entering back into the world of dating.
There are several things one should be concerned about when it comes to dating; men on the down low or in denial about their sexual orientation - not to mention cheaters, liars, and plain crazies. It is unfortunate that I am not really Wonder Woman - like I thought I was as kid with my lasso of truth - however, I realize I do have some real tools to assist me in the dating world.
I have considered my non-existent dating status as a cautious move - a way to ensure I make the best choices when it comes to who I date. It is true that I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my past, but I do wonder if this desire is really fear in disguise. When I was in my twenties, I made the mistake of not being true to myself and expressing what I wanted. I told myself I was content with being single. In hindsight, my decision to withhold my true desires was out of fear. I was afraid of the possibility of my "partner" not wanting the same thing and being left alone - so I settled for what they gave me.
Now in my late thirties, I understand the importance of honesty - not only with the individual I am dating but also with myself. Since I realize a key element to dating, and relationships in general - what hinders me? During the aforementioned conversation, I was asked why I wasn't dating. As I pondered over the question, I came up with a few factors; number one - I have been expecting men to pursue me a certain way, number two - I may be giving off an "I'm taken" vibe, and number three - I'm not looking.
Examining these factors one by one, I am not the same person I was when I was twenty - I'm almost 40, and the same type of man that approached me when I was 25 is not going to approach me now. So, I need to alter my perception of what to expect when I am approached. As far as the "I'm taken" vibe, maybe I need to examine how I behave while I'm in public. Now that I think about it, I don't really take notice of men noticing me - maybe I should be a little more aware of my possible suitors. Or am I unconsciously keeping them at bay out of fear? Now to my third factor, I'm not looking. Truth be told, I don't think I should be looking - or is this just another camouflaged fear?
After reviewing my factors, I admit that I am afraid of the possibility of meeting someone who has masked insecurities and pretends to be someone they are not. I don't want to invest my time and energy into someone only to learn I have been hoodwinked. But, I have reminded myself of a quote I stumbled upon;
“I’m stronger because I had to be, I’m smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I’ve known, and now wiser because I learned.”
The above quote is my testimony. I discovered strength I didn't know I possessed, I have endured pain that makes me appreciate joy, and I have learned that I can handle whatever comes my way. So, now I must be woman enough to acknowledge my fears and use my obtained wisdom to conquer them. As I've stated before, I have made my share of mistakes in the past, but I learned from them. I know what to look for and the importance of not overlooking anything I find alarming. Furthermore;
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
With all things considered, I will put on my big girl (sexy) panties and reenter the world of dating. I realize I have nothing to fear or be "cautious" about - I am much wiser now. I definitely know what I don't want, and that is a huge step in the right direction.