The Sky is the Limit to What I Can Have; but, Does that Include a Child?
“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. ”
When I started blogging five years ago, I planned to share my sense of style and information related to where I like to shop. That is what I was encouraged to do. It wasn’t my original plan to create a second blog focused on my life and relationships, but when I sat down to write, I was driven to share my experiences, and quite frankly, my innermost hurts. But today I contemplated writing about my seemingly suppressed desire for a child. I questioned whether or not I would be exposing too much of myself. But I remembered something I read and shared a few months ago.
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”
This past October, I met with one of my friends to record an episode about pregnancy and infant loss awareness for my podcast. During our discussion, my longing for a baby rose to the forefront of my mind and touched the very core of my heart. Prior to this conversation, I thought I had closed the door on the possibility of ever birthing another human. I also believed I had moved past wanting a baby. But the conversation I had on that Sunday morning in October let me see I had been deceiving myself.
I told my mother about it later that day, and in her usual fashion, she encouraged me to pray about it. She reminded me that God can do anything.
“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,”
I haven’t shied away from expressing the feelings I experienced—and still bear—because of the loss of my babies. To date, losing my children is the most painful experience of my life. So, I think it is understandable that I am hesitant about entertaining the idea of becoming pregnant again—there’s so much to consider. I thought about my age and the fact that I miscarried twice. Not to mention, I am unmarried—and I just recently reopened my mind to dating again. But in the midst of my whirlwind of reasons not to give in to the yearning within me, an old song by The Clark Sisters, “Expect Your Miracle,” popped in my head.
The words of the song are fairly simple and the message is direct and clear.
“Just beleive and receive it,
God will perform it today…
I expect a miracle every day,
God will make a way out of no way…”
- Expect Your Miracle, the Clark Sisters
And as I sit here writing the thoughts of my intimate desires, I recognize what I must do. I need to follow the advice I immediately give to my friends whenever they come to me for encouragement or direction—pray about it. Because the fact of the matter is, the sky is the limit to what I can have.