In about 30 days I will be celebrating my 40th birthday. As I think about how momentous this event is, I can’t help but ponder over the things I’ve experienced in my life so far and contemplate what I would have done differently had I known then what I know now. There have been some wonderful events as well as some difficult ones that I never imagined I’d encounter, and even more so – overcome.

There are numerous things I would tell my younger self if I had the opportunity. Starting with appreciating being a child – not to be in such a hurry to “grow up.” I would tell young Towanda to appreciate the carefree days of childhood. Now, with just a few days left in my 30s, I realize the importance of appreciating the present. I recall wanting to move on to the next expected chapter in my life instead of relishing the here and now. I spent a lot of energy hoping for companionship, but I failed to make the best of the relationship with the person who was there all the time - me.

I would tell myself to accept and love me unconditionally. I would encourage the young me to recognize my worth and not settle for anything that compromises my character or diminishes my dreams. I can recall wishing I was someone else, to the point that I imagined myself to be completely different from who I was. Now that I’m older I realize how wrong I was. I would tell Towanda not to compare herself with others. Mainly because there was nothing wrong with me. God made me, and as I’ve stated on various occasions, He does not make mistakes. Furthermore, what is truly gained through comparing yourself with others?

I’d like to tell the young me to embrace our uniqueness and know that the opinions of others doesn’t matter – what I think matters. When I was younger I couldn’t see my beauty that is apparent to me now. I doubted my abilities and I literally hid myself from the world. I didn’t want to be seen because of fear of ridicule and unacceptance. In retrospect, the feeling of inadequacy stemmed from the insecurities of others that I allowed to pollute my self-esteem.

I’ve learned that the statement, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is much more than a cliché – it is the truth. There is no epitome of beauty, nor is there a need to conform to the standards of society. My dark skin and thick thighs may be considered unattractive by some, however those same characteristics are what ten others find attractive about me. Furthermore, if someone truly loves me they will accept me as I am – especially when that someone is me.